20-Second Interludes for the
Hopelessly Unromantic
From: Dr. Frank
Gunzburg
If you have a
hard time being romantic, the key is to start off simple. Don’t overwhelm
yourself with the idea that you have to plan the perfect Parisian vacation to
be romantic, and then curse yourself when you can’t pull it off. You don’t have
to do all that to be romantic. Start off with some of these simple romantic
interludes. Then if you want to build up to more complex romantic techniques
over time you can always do that. (We will look at more complicated romantic
strategies in a minute.)
I Just Called to
Say I Love You
If you’re the
type who “isn’t romantic,” then you probably aren’t the type who takes a moment
or two out of his day to call your wife and tell her how much you love her.
But you should!
It’s such a romantic thing to do, and it is SO simple. All you have to do is
take a minute out of your workday, call your wife and say, “Honey, I just
wanted to tell you how much I love you. You mean the world to me. I care about
you more than I can say.”
When you have
finished simply say, “That’s all. I just wanted to tell you that.” And close
the conversation. You don’t have to do anything too dramatic or intense. Just
express your love and then go about your day.
A Kiss When
You Leave, a Kiss When You Return
Do you kiss your
wife and tell her you love her before you go to work? What about when you come
home? Do you do this in a habitual or perfunctory, “let’s get this over with so
I can get to work” kind of way, or do you do it with heart and intention?
If you don’t kiss
your wife (or husband) and tell her you love her when you leave and come home,
you should. It’s a great way to express your affection and be romantic.
But as I said
above, you don’t want to do this in a habitual way that gives the appearance of
a responsibility. Take a moment to make it real. Here’s how.
Before you leave
for work or after you come home, put down all your things, walk over to your
wife, take both her hands in yours, look her in the eyes, and say, “I love you
sweetheart.” Then give her a real kiss.
When you have
done that you can go pick up your things and go off to work or do whatever else
you have to do.
Walk Together
and Hold Hands
When you and your
wife are out and about together (at the grocery store, running errands, walking
the dog) do you walk ahead of her or behind her? Do you ever reach out and
randomly touch her hand? Do you ever hold hands anymore?
If you don’t walk
next to your wife, make it a point to do so. If you already walk next to her,
reach out and touch her hand. If you haven’t held hands in a long time pull her
hand into yours the way you used to when your marriage was new.
A Tender
Moment on the Sofa
You’re at home
one evening with your wife and the two of you are watching your favorite
program on TV. You’re sitting on opposite ends of the couch just watching in
silence. Perfect! This is a prime time for romance.
Instead of
sitting on opposite ends of the sofa, snuggle up with your wife in a cozy
corner together. Pull a nice blanket onto you and just continue watching your
show together.
Sneak a Kiss
When the Kids aren’t Watching
You’ve been
married for a few years now (at least) and you may feel that you are too old to
play. That’s what young couples do. You are one of those older, more mature
couples. You don’t flirt anymore, and you certainly don’t play. It’s out of the
question. You have to keep up appearances after all.
As you can see,
none of these techniques take a huge amount of energy. In fact, most of them
don’t even take more than a few moments. Random acts of affection like these can
be super romantic and they don’t have to be like a movie. You can just be plain
old you, and still be romantic. After all, the point is not to be the prince charming; it’s to be her prince charming. That’s what matters.
And the way to do that is to open up to the possibility of romance.
Dr. Frank
Gunzburg is a licensed counselor in Maryland and has been specializing is
helping couples restore their marriage for over 30 years. |
