Learn How to Protect Your Marriage

From: Dr. Frank Gunzburg

Building a fence around your relationship means establishing boundaries, both internally and in conversation with your partner, that help you know what is and is not appropriate behavior in your relationship. It means keeping your relationship safe from harm by keeping out any potential threats like the ones suggested above. It means staying away from unnecessary temptations that could potentially rip your relationship apart.

Building a fence around your marriage is like certain fences that might exist around your house. In part it’s a practical way to keep out unwanted intruders, in part it’s a symbol that communicates a boundary that other people shouldn’t cross, and in part it gives you the sanctity and privacy you deserve when you are within its boundary.

When you build a fence around your relationship it has similar effects. It helps you establish boundaries that allow you to keep out the unwanted intruders that threaten to harm your marriage. What’s more, it allows you to reside comfortably inside the marriage knowing that you are at least somewhat protected and safe from outside forces that could harm you. And, finally, it provides some mutual security of privacy and sanctity in the marriage so that you don’t have to wonder if you have been made to look foolish or hurtful in someone else’s eyes.

Affairs rarely start because you plan them out or you want them to. Many are borne in the very situations described above. Two people enjoy a friendly relationship, sometimes for years. Then one day some event takes place (a break in a marriage, a moment of despair, a frustrated libido), and all of a sudden an innocent situation escalates to the point where it is dangerous to your marriage—or, it could happen unnoticeable step by unnoticeable step down the “slippery slope.”

So why put yourself in this kind of situation? Why risk it? Why not protect your marriage, your spouse, your family, and yourself by authentically making your marriage your first priority?

Instead of taking the risk, build a fence around your marriage to keep it from even getting to that point. Create boundaries that will protect you from the possibility of unintentionally endangering your relationship.

Of course, that may mean giving up some activities you find pleasurable. But giving up behaviors like these and creating fences around your marriage is ultimately more rewarding than the small joys you get from flirting with a waitress or lunching with a friend. It gives you assurance that the most important part of your life, your marriage, is safe from harm.

I ask you, what does it mean to go overboard in protecting your relationship with the person most precious to you in your entire world? Would you knowingly let your spouse drive carpool with bad brakes or bad tires or bad steering?

Every relationship is different, so where and how you build your fences will depend entirely on you and your spouse. This process is totally subjective. There aren’t any real “rules” about building fences around your marriage, but except that building a fence around your marriage that will keep it happy and healthy for a lifetime.

Dr. Frank Gunzburg is a licensed counselor in Maryland and has been specializing is helping couples restore their marriage for over 30 years.